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The Edville Gazette: On The Airport Circus

Cirque du Pearson announces lavish Fall Extravaganza

Article by Shirley Stickle

MONTREAL—Circus Française Chairman Yvon Avion yesterday announced in a dazzling press conference held inside Montreal’s ritziest Couche Tard that his troupe’s Winter 2023 performance series would be styled Cirque du Pearson.

“We wanted to highlight the history that was being written in the present moment, a tale of whimsy, folly, disaster and rebirth,” said Avion. “People feel a wide range of emotions in airports, especially those in Toronto, and it is our artistic duty to personify these emotions on the stage.”

When asked if the current Circus Française team would be enlisted to perform, the Chairman replied that he would be searching for a new cast, since the previous one is scattered throughout the world waiting for their flights to Toronto to be rescheduled.

The Chairman added that no production expense would be spared. The show will feature loading carts and suitcases swinging in midair, accompanied by music created by mixing the sounds of mental breakdowns and idling jet engines. Merchandise will include captain’s hats, confiscated passports, broken zippers, those orange cone thingies that the guys out on the tarmac use to direct traffic, and baggage left behind by weary travellers.

In July 2020, popular site Flight Tracker named a Toronto airport as one of the world’s worst for delays, based on data gathered by a combination of humans, bots and paid data-farming llamas. Representatives have declined to comment at this time. They, too, are marooned at Mississauga hotels, waiting for their flights to be rescheduled

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