Sorry, Which Pardons?
Article by Hugo Blue
EDINBURGH—Scotland’s Parliament is set to give legal pardons to those convicted of witchcraft between 1563 and 1731, and the witches are coming back to life a little snooty about it.
“It’s about time,” said one witch, still feeling a bit heated after being burned at the stake. “We thought after learning about Hogwarts, they’d get this done, but it still took another twenty years.”
Many who faced accusations of witchcraft for being “quarrelsome dames” have observed that a lot of the flame has gone out of witch-hating now that the Karens have moved in.
Others are planning a return to the craft. Craft beer that is.
Among the returnees is Lilias Adie, who gave her neighbour a hangover after he boasted too much about a pain-free night of drinking and is now fielding offers for her rags to witches’ life story.
A few of the beldams also admit to being a little hexed that the witches in Salem, Massachusetts, were pardoned before them. “They hardly had any—just 19 executions—and they’re so famous now.”
The witches are looking to commemorate the injustice done to them by creating a museum—like Salem, but without the kitschy gift shop—to showcase how forward-thinking the nation’s become.
The shops will be available for you tourist currency around the museum, after you’re done with all that forward-thinking.
Whichever building they go with; it’s going to be fireproofed.
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